Bore! Sorry, I Mean Fore!

After my rather dismissive comments about golf in an earlier post, a friend from the pro shop at work insisted on taking me out to play golf. She’s really serious about golf, can wax poetic about it for hours (and hours, and hours, and hours …) and this was an experience that I anticipated with all the pleasure I usually reserve for root canals.

But she’s a very good friend, and I know from talking with spa guests that she’s an excellent teacher, particularly for beginners like me. She even teaches a special clinic called “Golf Spouses” for guests whose partners have come mainly for our excellent golf and who feel a little left out. So who knows, maybe she could make a golfer of me yet.

So early on a quiet Monday morning last week (after a seriously compromised breakfast, may I just add?) she and I headed out to the first tee on the back nine (she decided it would be a kindness to keep me out the way in case we bumped into any of my tennis students who might laugh at me!) She began with a lovely straight drive that dropped around 150 yards away and I nervously teed up my first shot. Sadly it didn’t approach her form even slightly. The ball stayed very low, swung alarmingly to the left, and ended up about 40 yards away from us.

I didn’t need to say anything; the look on my face must have spoken volumes. Undeterred, my friend thrust my club back into the cart and we trotted off to see what I should do next (my suggestion of a quiet nap under a tree was met with scorn and derision). I’ll save you the pain of recounting my excruciating crawl around all nine holes; suffice it to say that at its conclusion I announced to my friend that not only did she owe me lunch at Montezuma’s Revenge, our local temple to Mexican food indulgence, but I’d be wanting a substantially-sized frozen margarita, thank you very much.

After lunch, suitably sated and slightly slurring, I expressed my genuine thanks for her efforts and announced that my golf career was now officially over … but that I was looking forward to my guest appearance as a “terrible warning” at her next Golf Spouses class.

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